Ohh FUCK!

In one week of Level II nursing school:
8 Hours --> broken into 3 days of Nursing Theory, Nursing Level II lab, & Geriatric Theory
24 Hours --> broken into 2 clinical days--> 6 hours of Floor time and 4 hours of preparing for patient prep & post sheets.
&& Endless readings and note taking time for all 3 hardcore classes.

I'm tired & stressed. BOO. You would totally think that you want to get back into the swing of school and stuff after a long 3 month break of summer, but really i know no one who is prepared for this years intensity. I hope i don't stress out too much, make time for important things like SLEEPING! and just enjoy the new patient cases coming up. BOO i think it just sucks that i have Geriatric Rotation first BOO! my patients are old people 65+. ohh well i guess i'll just suck it up for 5 weeks and then i get to do Pediatric rotation whoo hoo.  well okei im done ranting and raving about my no life but school and home & no fun time at all.

So today was my first day of my first job!
and omg! i am so tired. my feet hurt and today while buying some scrubs.. i've finally realized the value of a dollar. how is it that one scrub shirt cost about $14, which is not even my one hour of work at 13 dollars and then minus the taxes the gov. takes out. ohh man ! crazyy crazyy.

i feel like i need a glass of wine to wind down, but then theres another early day tomorrow 6:30-3. ohhh boyy


on a more positive
i was surfing online and went on those travel sites (travelocity/ orbitz etc) cuz the boyfriend and i were thinking about going on some kind of vacation. so. i looked under the cruises that were off of LA and they actually have some pretty reasonable ones. 200 for a 4 nighter. not bad. plus it comes with the unlimited food and stuff on board! but gotta save some extra for the shore excursions if we decide to do that

&& to top things all off my bestest friend ever! is thinking about going with her boyfriend. so that would be awesome if we all got together and hung out. i went up to washington last year so if she comes down it'll be good.

yup.
summers are really not summer anymore when you start working. lol =P

So .. its been awhile since i've been on here

Today I finally finished with my last final, which means i survived my first year of nursing school!
it is definitely the most challenging but great thing that I've gone through! ohhhhh boyyy SUMMER 08' starts as of right now

List of things to do:
get a job
catch up with friends
hang out with the boyfriend
the santa cruz beach trips with the crew
a week in SLO with the boyfriend
a weekend of camping with the ZXE bros & girlfriends & friends
and more to come...
ill update more

i hate things last minute.
i hate it when he's late.
i hate it when he freakin preaches about how he's all about the planning. and then telling me the day of that he's coming and that he wants to hang out and chill when he already knows he's gonna be late.

im sooo mad at him right now, because of everything and i just need to talk to him calm and explain myself but its coming off as im a total bitch who doesn't know where to start and i feel as if im gonna blow up at him and say everything all at once

i think the problems are starting to come up and i think they need to be resolved ASAP before i just run away.
&& i totally don't want to but i've been known to run run far away when it comes to boys and when the problems start

So here's the run down of this past week and this upcoming week and everything else
The past week was pretty crazy. I had to plan for the boyfriend's birthday and the surprise party with his fraternity bros, which thank god they did most of it. The plans that i had were to go to the city have dinner at sushirock and ice cream at ghiradelli square and walk around fisherman's wharf. So yeah all that didn't even happen which sucks because i stressed out so much and tried to plan something that he wanted to do and something that he would like. and he got super drunk on friday and didn't get here on time so we kinda missed everything! i'm a little mad that it didn't happen because i stressed out so much when i didn't have to! I HATE that i even stressed out grrrrrr. The morning after his drunkenness was pretty good though it was the first time he said "i love you" to me like fully by himself and randomly lol.

Saturday he got here i ended up going to his house because his whole family was out and we had to figure out what we were gonna do for dinner. We spent an hour looking for a not so busy place and ended up going to cherry sushi in santa clara. it was super good and its the first time i tried the red dragon roll. which was amazingly awesome. even though i really don't like sushi on the regular. then we went over to mark's for the surprise! which went well since he was really surprised. and yeah i got pretty drunk and i felt hella bad that since it was randy's birthday and he kinda had to take care of me and lyssa took care of me too. yey for water thank you!

&& Sunday, I love sleeping next to my wonderful boyfriend and i think people truly take it for granted for the spooning and cuddling because they get it all the time! i get it once every 2 weeks IF we get the chance to sleep over which doesn't always happen. Anyway.. he left early that morning to go home and get some sleep and get ready for his family party for his birthday, which i had to go to.. to meet his family for the first time ever. So danny, reesa, mark, and i got there and he introduced me to his mom first as the girl he ate sushi with the night before. I was so shocked because right before we all walked in everyone was wondering how he was gonna introduce me as a friend or as his girlfriend, which what he said was neither.. so now im the Sushi girl. & i don't even like sushi! i guess there was a story behind it.. his sister and cousin told his parents about us the night before soo everything spilled and he talked to them about me before i came so i guess in my eyes it wasn't as bad as it sounded the first moment. After some really awkward moments of silence and not wanting to go back in to get more food or anything to drink because i would run into some "filipino family" interogation questions. he finally found me talking to his brother and cousins, called me over so that i could have a full on conversation with his mom, aunts, dad, and uncles. the conversation went really well his family is so nice which was good. it was interesting and typical.. they of course asked me where i lived, where i went to school, what i was majoring in, when i was gonna graduate, where my parents worked, if i had any siblings etc etc. i hope they like me! i don't know why but its like i really want them to like me more than his ex.. i want them to see that im a good influence in his life and that my family sees that he's a good influence in mine!  and that the whole age thing doesn't matter. my parents straight out asked why i couldn't find someone my own age and his parents said i was young, but i don't know i think it doesn't matter when it comes to randy and i because he's super young and heart and at times i could be super serious so in a way we kind of compliment each other..
At the end of the day it went well. he was about to leave for slo and we were about to leave to go home too. i of course gave him this really big hug because i wasn't gonna see him for another 2 weeks because of finals and he did just come up and it sucks cuz this saturday is our 1 month-aversary .. but its all good. anyway all of his friends started teasing us and said why don't you kiss her and omg! his parents walked outside saw us hugging and started smiling and laughing but i so didn't kiss him lol.. so i call his parents auntie and uncle now when i said bye. with a hug and a kiss lol. and yeah i walked to my car and i randy kinda followed and talked to mark and he gave me a kiss bye awwww i feel sad whenever he leaves but its ok i got myself in this long distance thing.

As for my health i've been sick for the past 2 weeks and i thought it was just allergies so i didn't think anything of it, but now its gotten to the point of a fever, colds, and everything else and i can't seem to focus and i need to with finals just next week. so i made a doctors appointment tomorrow so i can actually get some rest and clarify from this headache and runny nose and everything. I NEED TO GET SOME GOOD SLEEP! and be able to study. i need to figure it out.. so thats really stressful since im straight out failing pharmacology and i need to get at least a 75 on the final to pass, which isn't super bad but ive never really been in this really bad position before.. ive been really disappointed in myself and ive been emo about school it kinda sucks. soooo yup! school sucks as of right now! im just super super stressed about it and i feel hella bad because i keep crying over not being able to study and not being able to breath and do anything because im always tired. i feel like its been a lose lose situation.
I just took my lab final and it was super hard. it was some NCLEX questions so its just getting harder and harder.
I just need some clarity from now to next thursday and get through all of the nursing theory information and get through all the pharmacology information from these 10 weeks and hopefully ill be ready for the exam. ahsihhhhhh WISH ME LUCK! i think i need it

YUP!! i think thats been going on last week.

My world can never be perfect!
School: Nursing school is the hardest thing I've ever worked so hard for. I'm working my butt off to just get decent grades like C's. My cum. average has never been this low 2.7! omg how lame. But I LOVE NURSING SCHOOL despite how difficult it is.. I've met the best people in this program My wonderful wonderful study group and just really good friends who completely understand how im feeling with the work load and no time for anything else. Who knows its only 1.5 more years after spring quarter..i just have to pass all my classes till then.

I have the most caring, loving, and amazing boyfriend ever! I love him so much.
Going through all those jerky jerky boys makes me appreciate him and everything that he does. He is always supporting in school & giving me time to study when i need to or just straight pushing me to finish up my stuff when im super lazy! I love how he makes such an effort to come see me, I never realized how hard a long distance relationship would be, but not getting to see him for 2 or 3 weeks gets me crazy. & seeing him after not seeing him is so great. I love our dates and just straight spending time with each other.. even if we're not doing anything. I love the way he kisses me and hugs me and makes my whole world happy.

My brother got accepted into San Jose State, San Diego State, and now he's just waiting for Cal Poly: San Luis Obispo. Honestly, I want him to go far away because he deserves the experiences that i didn't have. But I'm really gonna miss him. I know for a fact that if he moves out.. that i will probably move out of this house too!
I'm just so way fed up with living at home under my parents' roof and rules. Sometimes its just way too hard because i don't think they realize im not a little girl anymore, I'm 19 about to be 20, in nursing school, and about to graduate in 1.5 years. I've done everything they've ever asked me to do in school (running start - which i sacrificed my jr & sr year to be working my butt off in college & going to east bay, so i could live at home so my mom could have her "family" since she lost 6 years of it, and nursing school instead of med school-- i mean who the hell tells their kid that they can't hack it in med school and they wouldn't support them through it so you might as well just go to nursing school like seriously. hella lame) They need to let go and trust me. They can't tell me that i can't do anything when i have total right to make my own decisions. It's not like i go out in the middle of the week till the wee hours of the morning. It's not like i go out every weekend. I get my stuff done for school and i study when i have exams and finals.. just trust me to know i can make the right decisions.
On top of that my mom told me today that my brother and i have to work and do chores around the house for a price to earn gas money to go to school! that is the dumb-est thing i've ever heard in my life. I use the car and gas to drop off my mom at bart in the mornings, go to clinicals, and go to school, and picking her up if my classes aren't too late! i don't understand how i need to do dishes and clean the kitchen and living rooms and wash the cars and doing watever else she is going to price tag just to go to school, which is why I've been greatly thinking about moving out AGAIN! Sometimes i completely hate my parents. in the general i dislike them because of some of the shit that they give me for doing nothing wrong. just because i don't live my life the way they would want me to live it which is no life at all.

Everytime i think about this subject I always think of how hard it would be to get a job and go to school and now i think its completely unthinkable because im so busy and tired and so stressed from the nursing program! The nursing program is a full time job in itself and i can't jeprodize (sp) failing any of my classes (because you can only fail one class,which you have to take over and pass and the second class you fail is an automatic kickout!) its that intense so every exam and test is important so studying and doing homework is all the WORK i can handle. I just want to research a lot more on student loans! If i do move out i'm wondering if i can get a student loan to fully support me through 2 full years of living expenses and books, and importantly food..and..(which i would need a car & gas-- since my parents will probably not want me to take my mom's car because they are going to be that mad when and if i do decide to fully more out)  Is that even possible i mean i could work over the summer, just not during the school year. I hope there is because i really really need to get out of here if this keeps up (my parent's crazy over protectiveness) and this i have to work for gas idea.. & even more when and if my brother decides to go to san diego state or cal poly SLO!

if anyone has any info on how student loans work can you please help me.
This is my RANT! of my up and down life!

1 Have you ever taken a shower with another person?
yes

2. Who ended your last relationship?
all my relationships have been open ones since soph. year, but for the most part with jonathon he ended it, with nick I ended it, and jonathan we both ended it, and yeah.

3. When was the last time you got caught by the cops?
That one party in daly city that got broken up, but nothing major im a good girl. =P

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
i was watching step up and singing along to my myspace song. Oh how i love the holidays and christmas songs!

5. Are you any good at math?
I'm good, just not as good as my brother.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
i don't think so

8. Have you ever burped in front of the opposite sex?
yes, which is weird now that i think back on it . haha. so un-lady like right

9. Do you know all the words to the song on your myspace page?
YES! lol ive been singing it all day!

10. Where is your mom at?
Down the hall probably sleeping

11. Have you ever kissed in the rain?
yes, the night of tolo it started raining & he kissed me before he left

12. What's one thing you wish to change about yourself?
i'm not sure. probably my falling fast and hard when it comes to guys. I'm trying so hard to break that, which i think i've gotten some success at especially after the biggest lust ive ever had broke my heart (i've never admitted that until now, but it hurt like hell when he got back together with her after we hooked up)

13. When was the last time you showered?
This morning before my pathophysiology study group

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Yes, i <3 writing stuff in the sand with sticks

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
My wisdom tooth surgery, I was only born with 3--> lol but after my surgery it was the best i've ever been taken care of.

16. What is outside your back door?
my backyard--> an orange tree, a jacuzzi, plants, and stuff

17. Do you have any plans for Friday?
Tonight is friday and i've got nothing, but its nice to take time for urself and just chill instead of constantly studying because of my shitty grades.

18. How many brothers/sisters do you have?
i have one brother--> who can either be really sweet at times or can be the biggest ass ever!

19. Do you have a crush?
Yes i do! & he is the sweetest guy ever =P
It makes me smile whenever i get a call/ text from him, which is making me really happy these day.

20. Do you keep in touch with your exes?
Yes, they are all really good friends well the first 2 (ray & jc) anyway the last 2 (dan & steven) are kinda acquaintances but i still make an effort to call and catch up every once in awhile.

21. Do you dislike anyone right now?
nope

22. Something you are excited about?
THE QUARTER TO BE OVER! and im hoping to god i pass!

23. What's your favorite flavor of jello?
Orange

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
Nope, but i think it would have been cool to meet them you know.

25. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
um presentations for our patients a couple weeks ago

26. Ever kissed more then one person in a day?
No. I've only kissed 4 guys in my whole entire life and they are soooo far apart like crazy

27. What are the songs/movies that reminds you of an ex?
Ex number 1: Ray: "I think im in love with you" and some s club 7 songs lol I was young!
Ex number 2: Julian: "Hero"- enrique & usher-"you got it bad" ohh goodness super long ago, but it was the cutest slow dance
Ex number 3 & 4: dan--> nothing

30. Do you go to church?
yes, but ive recently been missing it

31. What did you eat yesterday?
Popeyes

32. Who was your first real best friend?
Monica Mercader--> my childhood bestfriend

31. What's your least favorite class?
umm before it was organic chemistry & currently its nursing theory!

32. Do you smoke?
not cigarettes and no more hookah or other stuff --> oh how random drug tests scare the shit out of people

33. Have you ever snuck out of the house?
no, my house is super hard to sneak out of because all of the stupid alarms

34. When was the last time you did something bad?
Last weekend, but thats not considered bad really.

35. What color shirt are you wearing?
black with fire-y turtles on it, pretty regular shirt

36. What's the last compliment you received and when was it?
you're so cute, smart, and sweet and i wanna be next to you--> last night. <3 he's super adorable when he says shit like that
seeeeeeee no wonder i fall for boys so damn fast because they say all the right stuff and the exact right time

37. Do moochers annoy you?
Not really, unless they are always hella begging then it gets annoying.

38. Do you wear hats?
No, I look really stupid with them on => i swear any kind of hat will look retarded on me

39. What's the last movie you watched?
Step up

40. Which friends lives the closest to you?
Um Ashely she lives like a couple miles down lol

41. Are you on any medications?
Currently no, but i think i need to see my doctor because i have some severe case of insomnia

42. What's your favorite thing to do?
Laugh and have fun!

43. Do you regret dating someone?
I guess it can never be regret because at one point in your life you wanted to be in that exact place and time with that person-- well thats my excuse for not having any regrets, but as for my many BAD decisions in life yes. --> JONATHON is really the only one on my list as for major major bad decision. He is the biggest asshole in the whole entire world for what he did to me. First you hook up with me tell me that you wanna be my boyfriend and that you missed me and all that stuff and then the next day have your "bestfriend/ roommate" hella talk shit about me in front of my face & then 2 days after that get back together with your ex-girlfriend. thats the biggest bull shit ever!
&& Nick--> he was really bad too. although he didn't play me he had some really fucked up things to say and do and everything else. plus he still tells me that im a fucking liar and that im a huge hypocrite because he couldn't get any lol, but honestly he was never ever gonna get any because i didn't like him anymore and i didn't love him like i loved//lusted jonathon!

44. What are you doing tonight?
well nothing. just studying and this survey and watching tv. i <3 lazy days

46. What annoys you?
Stupid ass people who think they are the shit, when in fact they are idiots who no one likes stupid bitches!

47. Whats the next vacation you're going on?
Vegas in New Years or maybe going away for the weekend to um SLO or Tahoe or something
I wish i actually had money// freedom to do all of the stuff i wanted

48. Do you have anything "bad" on your phone?
nope not really just my halloween pictures of myself

49. Who do you sit with on the bus?
OMG! i don't even remember, i think it was esther, ivan, steven, cathy, and some other people way back when.

50. Does your myspace song have any significance?
Not really just a christmas song that i like

I'm so scared & nervous, yet excited & happy
I feel like i'm stepping way way out of my comfortable bubbled life.

I am seriously one of the happiest people right now!

I GOT INTO THE NURSING PROGRAM
AT CAL STATE: HAYWARD!
CONCORD CAMPUS!

Getting into the program is one of the hardest things ive done
the amount of work and time ive put into trying to get good grades and just to make it up to par has been sooo difficult.
& to be rejected and rejected over and over by so many different school hasn't been easy to take, but

Through the bad there is good! && im definately feeling the good!
I can't believe it im so super happy & excited

&& im sooo blessed.
My prayers were answered !
&& i thank everyone who have supported me because they kept me going.
family & friends & just everyone whose prayers and support has gotten me here!

now i just can't fuck it up now that im in the program! =P
Gotta hack it in the program for 3 years!

Cali is now a home.
I MiSS IT SOO MUCH! =P
&& I am super excited to go back.

My own bed tomorrow.
My own room
My cali friends.
& to sayy... i really miss my family!


<3 i learned a lot from this trip
&& there are definately stories to tell.

Washington is always where i grew up & will be home ...
but i think ive moved on & now Cali is my home with everything i want in it.

+ I just have to find the RiGHT COllEGE